My heart hurts.
I am up against something I do not understand.
I feel ill-prepared to care for the people I love.
I think I am mourning lost opportunities and fearful of asking for them back.
My tear ducts have been full as of late, threatening to spill. They spill mostly at night after I have gone to bed.
Mostly I have been self-centered and unwillingly and so I fear that my friends, and those Jesus would have me call friends, have suffered.
But I am well and carefully taken care of.
I receive daily reminders of who I am and what I am to set my sights on.
I am trying to listen closely and when I act, I typically see some sort of fruit.
My resolve is strengthened.
I pray that my eye will remain single to His glory, that I will find the courage to do what I have been asked to do and to do it with a cheerful heart.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Who the...
The following account is a story told
by a principal from an elementary school
in Utah.
It is not unusual that a few first grade
students find it hard to adjust to
a full day of school when
each new school year begins.
Typically, they are moody,
tired, or rambunctious.
This year one boy in particular(we will call him Billy)
was having a hard time.
He exhibited each of the above mentioned
symptoms.
His teacher thought that in due time
he would calm down, but
no such luck.
A few weeks into the year and
he was still upset by the schedule and
curriculum he was required to adhere to.
Not knowing how else to appease his
apparent discomfort and in effort
to remedy the classroom atmosphere,
the teacher sent the child to the principals office.
There, Principal "X" tried his darndest to
make sense of this new schedule
with Billy, but to no avail.
Principal X explained to Billy that when
you enter 1st grade it is expected that
you attend school all day and participate
in classroom routine.
Shaking his head in desperation and disbelief,
poor Billy responded,
"Well who the hell signed me up
for this?!"
Sometimes when I have to do hard things,
when I don't feel up to the task,
or just that perhaps my desires are
not equal to the task I feel is ahead,
or even,
when I see something or do something
that is absolutely absurd,
I often think to myself,
"Who the hell signed me up for this?"
This outburst is followed by
a genuine chuckle.
I remember that I signed myself up
for this.
I meant to do it and I intend to finish it.
Life is comical, absurd, joyous, heartbreaking,
and very, very hard.
I don't know really how to beat it,
or really if it's to be beat.
I think it's to be overcome and enjoyed.
I haven't yet figured out the key
to that,
but I have a feeling it has something
to do with perspective and faith.
And lot of work.
by a principal from an elementary school
in Utah.
It is not unusual that a few first grade
students find it hard to adjust to
a full day of school when
each new school year begins.
Typically, they are moody,
tired, or rambunctious.
This year one boy in particular(we will call him Billy)
was having a hard time.
He exhibited each of the above mentioned
symptoms.
His teacher thought that in due time
he would calm down, but
no such luck.
A few weeks into the year and
he was still upset by the schedule and
curriculum he was required to adhere to.
Not knowing how else to appease his
apparent discomfort and in effort
to remedy the classroom atmosphere,
the teacher sent the child to the principals office.
There, Principal "X" tried his darndest to
make sense of this new schedule
with Billy, but to no avail.
Principal X explained to Billy that when
you enter 1st grade it is expected that
you attend school all day and participate
in classroom routine.
Shaking his head in desperation and disbelief,
poor Billy responded,
"Well who the hell signed me up
for this?!"
Sometimes when I have to do hard things,
when I don't feel up to the task,
or just that perhaps my desires are
not equal to the task I feel is ahead,
or even,
when I see something or do something
that is absolutely absurd,
I often think to myself,
"Who the hell signed me up for this?"
This outburst is followed by
a genuine chuckle.
I remember that I signed myself up
for this.
I meant to do it and I intend to finish it.
Life is comical, absurd, joyous, heartbreaking,
and very, very hard.
I don't know really how to beat it,
or really if it's to be beat.
I think it's to be overcome and enjoyed.
I haven't yet figured out the key
to that,
but I have a feeling it has something
to do with perspective and faith.
And lot of work.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Also
Love anything
and your heart will be wrung
and possibly broken.
If you want to make sure
of keeping it intact
you must give it to no one,
not even an animal.
Wrap it carefully round
with hobbies and little luxuries;
avoid all entanglements.
Lock it up safe in the casket
or coffin of your selfishness.
But in that casket--safe,
dark, motionless,
airless--it will change.
It will not be broken;
it will become unbreakable,
impenetrable,
irredeemable.
To love is to be vulnerable.
C.S. Lewis
and your heart will be wrung
and possibly broken.
If you want to make sure
of keeping it intact
you must give it to no one,
not even an animal.
Wrap it carefully round
with hobbies and little luxuries;
avoid all entanglements.
Lock it up safe in the casket
or coffin of your selfishness.
But in that casket--safe,
dark, motionless,
airless--it will change.
It will not be broken;
it will become unbreakable,
impenetrable,
irredeemable.
To love is to be vulnerable.
C.S. Lewis
Little Goodies
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
and it may be necessary from time to time to give
a stupid or misinformed beholder
a black eye."
Jim Henson
"Women are like teabags; you never know
how strong they are until they
are put into hot water."
Eleanor Roosevelt
"The deep hurt is the mirror image
of the deep joy
that still awaits you."
Bruce C Hafen
"I testify that he
is utterly incomparable in
what He is,
what he knows,
what he has accomplished
and what he has experienced.
Yet, movingly, he calls us
friend."
Neil A Maxwell
"I believe in pink.
I believe laughing
is the best calorie burner.
I believe in kissing, kissing a lot.
I believe in being strong when
everything seems to be
going wrong.
I believe that happy girls
are the prettiest girls.
I believe that tomorrow
is another day
and I believe in miracles."
Audrey Hepburn
"There is nothing better than
a friend,
unless it is a friend
with chocolate."
Charles Dickens
"There is nothing I would
not do for those who
are really my friends.
I have no notion
of loving people by halves,
its is not in my nature."
Jane Austen
Those are just a few of my faves.
I'd thought I'd share.
and it may be necessary from time to time to give
a stupid or misinformed beholder
a black eye."
Jim Henson
"Women are like teabags; you never know
how strong they are until they
are put into hot water."
Eleanor Roosevelt
"The deep hurt is the mirror image
of the deep joy
that still awaits you."
Bruce C Hafen
"I testify that he
is utterly incomparable in
what He is,
what he knows,
what he has accomplished
and what he has experienced.
Yet, movingly, he calls us
friend."
Neil A Maxwell
"I believe in pink.
I believe laughing
is the best calorie burner.
I believe in kissing, kissing a lot.
I believe in being strong when
everything seems to be
going wrong.
I believe that happy girls
are the prettiest girls.
I believe that tomorrow
is another day
and I believe in miracles."
Audrey Hepburn
"There is nothing better than
a friend,
unless it is a friend
with chocolate."
Charles Dickens
"There is nothing I would
not do for those who
are really my friends.
I have no notion
of loving people by halves,
its is not in my nature."
Jane Austen
Those are just a few of my faves.
I'd thought I'd share.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
My Plan
Graduate Fall 2011 with Megan Giullian.
Live with Megan Giullian Fall 2011. Laugh with Megan Giullian Fall 2011. Study with Megan Giullian Fall 2011. Make a Treat Chart for Fall 2011 with Megan Giullian.
Live with Megan Giullian Fall 2011. Laugh with Megan Giullian Fall 2011. Study with Megan Giullian Fall 2011. Make a Treat Chart for Fall 2011 with Megan Giullian.
Monday, October 18, 2010
TP
I know how to
price match
and cut coupons.
I know how to
figure
price per pound.
Typically
I buy generic
over name brand
(Campbell's soups
being
the only exception,
those tastes are
just not
comparable).
As competent as I am at
filling my pantry
on a dime,
I have yet to master the
art of
buying toilet paper.
Determined to get the
most bang for
our buck,
Teri and I set off to Shopko
late on the
evening of October 6.
After perusing the
two aisles of
TP
we came up with
a rock solid
conclusion.
The toilet paper industry
is out to get us!
Two ply double rolls
in a pack of 12
One ply double rolls
in a pack of 24
8 double rolls
with
quilted absorption.
Our minds spun.
We shook
our heads.
We put our multiplication
skills to the test.
We think that
buying
Scott's 1000 sheet
one ply roll
in a pack of twelve
will be
the best deal.
Just to make sure
we posted a
toilet paper usage log
on the inside
of our bathroom cabinet.
Each time we start
a new roll,
we log it.
Our first Scott's brand
1000
one ply sheets
was used in nine days.
Check back in three months?
Maybe.
PS Our theory on two ply TP:
Yes, it may offer a mild
immediate relief
to your rear,
and while some claim more
absorption means
using less squares per wipe,
we argue that you
pay little attention
to the ply when you reach
for the TP.
You use the same handful.
price match
and cut coupons.
I know how to
figure
price per pound.
Typically
I buy generic
over name brand
(Campbell's soups
being
the only exception,
those tastes are
just not
comparable).
As competent as I am at
filling my pantry
on a dime,
I have yet to master the
art of
buying toilet paper.
Determined to get the
most bang for
our buck,
Teri and I set off to Shopko
late on the
evening of October 6.
After perusing the
two aisles of
TP
we came up with
a rock solid
conclusion.
The toilet paper industry
is out to get us!
Two ply double rolls
in a pack of 12
One ply double rolls
in a pack of 24
8 double rolls
with
quilted absorption.
Our minds spun.
We shook
our heads.
We put our multiplication
skills to the test.
We think that
buying
Scott's 1000 sheet
one ply roll
in a pack of twelve
will be
the best deal.
Just to make sure
we posted a
toilet paper usage log
on the inside
of our bathroom cabinet.
Each time we start
a new roll,
we log it.
Our first Scott's brand
1000
one ply sheets
was used in nine days.
Check back in three months?
Maybe.
PS Our theory on two ply TP:
Yes, it may offer a mild
immediate relief
to your rear,
and while some claim more
absorption means
using less squares per wipe,
we argue that you
pay little attention
to the ply when you reach
for the TP.
You use the same handful.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
OC-TO-BER
We say "OC-TO-BER,"counting three syllables. We wonder if the calendar is getting empty or full. It is getting full! This meaning that we are well into the month.
In pre-school it feels like October. We made sun catchers, plastering contact paper with bulbous paper pumpkins, vibrant red and mustard leaves and golden glitter for a swirling affect. We painted autumn hues onto multi-shaped leaves and put them on our tree. Our sensory table, a treasure chest of leaves already surrendered by the school yard's tree and spider web like material, is a highlight of our free play. We smell autumn in the air too although that is hardly a pleasant reminder of the maggots we found crawling around in the sensory table-somehow Bayberry room freshener helps us feel sanitary and fills our room with cinnamon and pumpkin pie. We are also reminded of fall when we rush back inside after recess to blow noses and enter our room with a shiver. It feels like October.
But my life does not feel like October. I have never had an October that does not feel like it to me. October is my birthday month so I am keenly aware of what October is supposed to be.
But my life does not feel like October. I have never had an October that does not feel like it to me. October is my birthday month so I am keenly aware of what October is supposed to be.
October is anticipation
For the 26th
For the upcoming holidays
For Jack frost and the suggestion
of snow
Roasted, baked and toasted
squash
Spiced apple cider
Sweaters
Costuming typically a courtesy
of my genius mother
(She paints, she sews, she rummages)
Hitchcock's
Witch's Brew
Raking leaves
Carving pumpkins
Decorating sugar cookies
Planning a party
For the 26th
For the upcoming holidays
For Jack frost and the suggestion
of snow
Roasted, baked and toasted
squash
Spiced apple cider
Sweaters
Costuming typically a courtesy
of my genius mother
(She paints, she sews, she rummages)
Hitchcock's
Witch's Brew
Raking leaves
Carving pumpkins
Decorating sugar cookies
Planning a party
Would you be disappointed if I were to admit I have yet to do a single October-esque activity? I just unknowingly skipped the first half of the month. I do not know if I can catch up!
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Rae's got my back
My little sister Rachael's got my back.
We got a Tucano's Birthday Coupon in the mail.
Rae's birthday is October 20.
My birthday is October 26.
Last year we went to Tucano's.
This year I thought we could do the same.
Rae has always been taller than me.
It's a fact.
In a lot of ways Rae
is also wiser than me.
She's funnier too.
It's a fact.
But when Rae suggested a double date
I laughed out loud.
Sounds like a party to me.
When did she grow up?
I asked her if she had a boy in mind.
This is the text that she sent me:
"I have someone in mind for YOU!!
Eh? yeah, yeah?!
I set you up, you set me up.
This guy is stellar!
He's my home teacher,
sooo kind,
tall,
served his mission in
Russia...
Plus this way if the guy you set me
up with is no good we can
switch before dessert and
I'll get him for the second half of the night!"
We got a Tucano's Birthday Coupon in the mail.
Rae's birthday is October 20.
My birthday is October 26.
Last year we went to Tucano's.
This year I thought we could do the same.
Rae has always been taller than me.
It's a fact.
In a lot of ways Rae
is also wiser than me.
She's funnier too.
It's a fact.
But when Rae suggested a double date
I laughed out loud.
Sounds like a party to me.
When did she grow up?
I asked her if she had a boy in mind.
This is the text that she sent me:
"I have someone in mind for YOU!!
Eh? yeah, yeah?!
I set you up, you set me up.
This guy is stellar!
He's my home teacher,
sooo kind,
tall,
served his mission in
Russia...
Plus this way if the guy you set me
up with is no good we can
switch before dessert and
I'll get him for the second half of the night!"
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