NEWS FLASH

I've begun a new blog friends.  I feel like you want to follow it.  It is very honestly me.  You will get regular, if not frequent updates on my health (my owie, Lila Mae etc..).  You will sometimes get the funnies in my life.  You will always get the moments that mean the most to me.  It is a private blog, but if you would like to follow it, contact me at ranitsunami@gmail.com and I will give you permission to view it.  Love you.

A little bit of this and a little bit more of Lila Mae

"God loves us all-saint and sinner alike-with a perfect and everlasting love. We have his love, if not his approval. It is our love for Him that remains to be developed. When we come to be genuinely concerned with pleasing God-more than with pleasing any in the world, even ourselves-then our behavior improves and His blessings can engulf us. This sublime feeling can be experienced only if we come to know enough about Him so that our awe melts into adoration, and our respect into utter reverence." Neal A. Maxwell

"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes into rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently, He starts knocking the house about in a away that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that he is building quite a different house from the one you thought of-throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent littl cottage: but He is building a palace." C.S. Lewis

Will I choose to be loved and love in return? Will I bear it all in hope of something far greater than I currently am? I hope so. I think I will choose so.
As of late, life baffles me. Really, it does. I see windows of opportunity, doors to the future. Some, I take while others I watch go uncomfortably by. I think on it. I shrug my shoulders and move on-sometimes in exasparation, sometimes with cheery gratitude that Heavenly Father has directed me once again.
Lila Mae makes me sick, but Lila Mae also makes me think. Where do I want to be? Who do I love? What do I want? What am I willing to sacrifice to get there, them, and it? How brave am I willing to be?
Friends, I don't even know. They say with age comes beauty, distance makes the heart grow fonder, slow and steady wins the race, and know one can answer that question but you. I just don't even know.
But I will. If I choose it. I choose to believe all of the above.

Lila Mae, my tiny little friend.

Lila Mae is only 10 mm big and for such a tiny size, she sure knows how to make havoc.
Lila Mae has been my constant companion this last year, and maybe even longer. It's hard to tell.
With Lila Mae, I'm nauseaus, weepy, indecisive, heavy, tiny, without appetite, with severe headache, forgetful, anxious, fatigued, hormonal, weak, and apathetic.
It's not really Lila Mae's fault but I don't know why she chose to set up house in my pituitary gland. Shouldn't a tumor know better than to mess with a girls hormones?
Next week I will consult with an authority about evicting this tenant of mine. We will do what is in the best interest of me, obviously. It could be that Lila Mae will remain my companion and we just hope to keep her in check via medications. It could be that Lila Mae is really rather damaging and will continue to be a pain so we'll kick her to the curb. Either way, knowing that Lila Mae exists, answers a lot of questions and helps me to make sense of my last year.

When it Winders

One of the pre-schoolers commented the other day that it was "windering outside." I like the idea of windering. It feels good. When it winders, the better idea is to curl up to read a fantastic book while eating a bowl of homemade soup. As of late, when it winders, I do the following:

Temple, Festival of Colors, and laser tag, all in one day

Color search for CamCam's wedding although I've had samples

since maybe five years ago. Phew...she didn't get married while

I was on my mission.

Spectate a few BYU games, dozing for only half of the time

Download a few cheesy love songs

(confession: Justine Bieber's, "Baby" being one of them)

Make crepes, eat crepes...did I mention that we do that

with fantastic friends?

Sport a mustache

Learn self defense and how to use pepper spray

Cut pieces for a quilt, I choose not to sew them together-what a

disaster if I do!

Sushi. I fall in love over and over again.

Make a little anonymous mischief

Visit doctors

Plan a reunion

Practice yoga with one of my besties

Offer up prayers for one of my besties

Boycott, sorta

Make new friends

Argue, reconcile

Laugh, laugh, laugh

Sport a prom dress from ages ago

Cry, a little

Ask for help

Procrastinate, a lot

Pick myself up by the boot straps and look forward in faith

Pizza rolls and Pocahontas

1:33 Am and that is what is on my mind-Pizza rolls and Pocahontas. No joke. Pizza rolls are in the oven. Pocahontas came as a flashback today in Relief Society when Sarah asked the presidency to share a favorite scripture.
Being as my brain is slowing drastically, more to come in the later hours of the AM

BOYcotting

To preface this, refer to my prior post, "For REAL," September 1, 2010

I am BOYcotting.

I am coughing for the second time this season-very unusual considering that prior to my mission, I had been almost envious of those lung rattling coughers. I had never done it.

My sciatic nerve, or both sciatic nerves are freaking out.

I don't sleep.

I don't eat.

I don't go to the gym. I rarely go to yoga.

And I think it's because I don't know how to say no.

I am available emotionally to far too many people who are not always there in turn. Don't get me wrong, it can't always be give and take, nor should always be so. But I have far too many obligations in school, work, church, and social life. To maintain balance, to cultivate a healthy lifestyle, I have to choose who is well worth my investment. Boys just aren't well worth it right now. I can't do it anymore. I am tired. I am sorry.
Now friends, don't get me wrong, I am not shunning, severing or closing the door(I don't have the heart to do it). I am just being pretty bold in prioritizing and challenge you to do the same. If I don't make the cut, I am not offended. Some of you haven't made mine, simply because I don't feel I have made yours.
For those of you who make plans and follow through, who spend free time aiding me in my altogether chaotic antics and projects, who make sure I am eating when I get root canals and am coughing my lungs to pieces, or who are just present, thank-you. I am giving up some very important people, some very important obligations for YOU. Because you are important too. Because you have proven to be well worth my time and investment.
So here's to more heart and (hopefully) more time.

Good morning!