"She was a girl who knew how to be happy even when she was sad. And that’s important—you know "
Marilyn Monroe

I don't know anything about her.
Scandalous I think.
But I kind of like some of what she has to say.
Enjoy.

"I don't want to make money, I just want to be wonderful."


"Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring"


"Give a girl the right shoes, and she can conquer the world."

Another notch on my belt

Today I killed a spider all by myself.
As super tiny as it was, I had to tell myself to breathe.
Instead of climbing up the spout,
the arachnid climbed up my windshield
while I turned onto University Parkway.

I offered a silent prayer for courage,
grabbed the Provo Public Library receipt and jabbed swiftly,
crushing that little monster.
Relief.
I cruised on with ease and avoided major catastrophy.

He relinquished his power to me, almost willingly.
I think he knew what this was going to mean
to me.
Perhaps he wanted this to be his claim to fame.
He wanted to be published.

At any rate, I did it.

"You are just a boy"

Wendy: "You are both ungallant and defficient."
Peter Pan: "How am I defficient?"
Wendy: "You are just a boy."

I laugh out loud whenever I rehearse the above scene in my head,
retell it to another,
watch it on screen,
read it,
or when I realize that the person I am talking to
"Is just a boy."

What is a boy? Who are they to me?

Sara married a boy while I was on my mission.
We packed up all of his toys on Friday.
But I'm glad he is a boy.
Like she said, it kept him busy while life took her around and back again
and finally to him.

Bekah married a boy just a few months ago.
He's taken on our family and become a brother.

Danielle just married a boy on Saturday.
I don't know him.
He likes video games and rollerskating.
They anticipate playing many games together and a lifetime of roller hockey.
But he loves her and she loves him.
We all saw it.

And lets not forget the countless boys I served with for 18 months
who led, taught, testified, and blessed,
each with sufficient faith and courage.

Or the array of faithful home teachers over the years
Or countless friends who make me laugh an remind me that life is for living and laughing
Or who tease and tickle mercilessly just for a reaction
Or my dad who loves me even when I don't email frequently,
who supported me on my mission even when he was not active
Or the boy with a few loaves and fishes
Or the young David who slew Goliath
Or Samuel who listened and heeded the voice of the Lord
Or the boy Joseph Smith who prayed and
saw God the Father and his son Jesus Christ

They may very well be ungallant.
They may very well be deficient.
But I love them.
Mostly because I know that to Heavenly Father,
they are far from deficient.
They are the breadwinners for his daughters,
they are the protectors,
and the teachers.
Thank-you BOYS.

Done and Done

Hesitant. Melancholy. Exhausted. Skeptical. Feather brained. Storming. Caught up. Inspired. Willing. Stubborn. Without communication. Lethargic. Determined. Ready.

It is so time to move on. The last couple of months have been rough. Still, the myriad of emotions, the plethora of inconsistencies, the extremities of thought and realizations have all been worth it. I'm realizing more and more that in that joy is also that sorrow. I have learned that sorrow can look a lot like discomfort or confusion, disappointment or mundane routines.

Here we go. I am going to choose. I am going to be decisive. I am going to have an opinion again.